Opinion

How Come There’s No Karen Porn?

Dat mouf talks to 911 for no reason.
Dat mouf talks to 911 for no reason. Westend 61/Getty
Name any type of descriptor for a human being — or any object, trend, place, verb, animal, mineral, vegetable, or even the most abstract of concepts — and there’s probably a category of porn dedicated to that very thing.

Just as merchandise is manufactured before a commercial movie is completed in anticipation of its success, it seems like before anything materializes into existence, there’s already porn of it online in anticipation of its potential for horniness.

It usually doesn’t take long for the internet to fetishize seemingly any damn thing and turn it into a porn category. Yet somehow, there’s still no Karen porn.

We’re not saying Karens are even remotely appealing, let alone sexy. Nor are we asking the manager of porn to produce any Karen videos, but wow, Internet, we thought you’d have more Karen porn by now.


The porn industry brings in about $97 billion a year and much of that demand is prompted by current events that activate porn viewers’ fantasies, whether those events are sexy or not. Case in point: a video of an orgy from hell with Bernie-Trump-Hillary-Megan Kelly look-alikes. The phrase “Nasty woman” probably took some dirty minds to a far away place.

As reported by Cracked.com, whatever’s on people’s minds last … well, there’s a fap for that.

The 2018 article cites a few examples of the ways that current events influence porn watchers' appetites. In that same year, for example, after a Fortnite server outage left players with nothing to do with their free hands time, PornHub got a 60 percent increase in “Fortnite” searches. Meghan Markle is a regular search on the site most especially on the weeks she makes headlines. Popular shows such as Game of Thrones have sparked the imagination of many a fapper and, apparently, people look for the porn spoof of a movie they’ve recently watched, which is why there’s a vault of cinematic gems as the non-Robert Zemeckis directed Forrest Hump and Fap to the Future.

People are apparently so in tune with their sociocultural day-to-day themes that they even search for holiday-themed porn according to upcoming special dates. That’s cute. Just as Americans decorate their homes and change their menus by season, so they slather their privates with eggnog, metaphorically speaking. Or literally.


One of the biggest cultural events of 2020 was undoubtedly the rise of a popular term through the mass recognition of a new stereotype: the Karen. Generally identified as a white woman who’s entitled, unnecessarily confrontational, prejudiced and quick to call on authorities (whether police or store management), among other unfavorable traits, Karens often announce themselves by proudly bearing the mark of a chunky-highlighted, choppy or spiky haircut.

While meme-makers and Twitter jokesters have used the name for years, the term gained widespread use in America in the last couple of years through a string of viral videos of white women unnecessarily calling the police on people of color, and more recently, for throwing public tantrums over COVID safety restrictions. The term earned its entries on Wikipedia and dictionary.com in 2020.

More recently, the term “Karen” came to be associated with conservative women who demanded a recount of the last presidential election, who are anti-mask and COVID vaccines, anti-protesting for civil rights but pro-protesting for haircuts.

Of course, we were curious to know whether the internet had done its usual thing, the thing it does when anything comes to exist, especially when the thing becomes popular. We did an online search for Karen porn. Oddly, we found virtually none.

There are, of course, thousands of matches for porn stars named Karen, and there’s the occasional “Karen Asks to Speak With the Manager” bit of visual content (you can guess the plot line following that premise), but it’s few and far between (a lot of things we wish we’d never set eyes on).

We are impressed. Or disappointed. But mostly, impressed. No matter how enormously unappealing the Karen stereotype may be, this vast disinterest in XXX Karen-inspired videos is entirely out of character for the generously eclectic world of porn.

You’d think a cultural event as significant as a rise in Karen culture would be mirrored at least through a few spoof videos as the art of porn imitates life. Frankly, it just feels like a missed opportunity for historical documentation.

It should be noted that the porn industry was just as inactive as any other during the pandemic. While porn consumption increased, its production veered like many businesses to a work-from-home model, giving rise to self-produced content on platforms such as Only Fans.

But the graphic content on OnlyFans is also often tailored to subscribers with specific fetishes. There just doesn’t seem to be enough of a Karen fetish going around. Sorry, Karens.

Of course, individual Karens such as conservative news commentator Tomi Lahren may inspire a wave of “hate bang” comments of appreciation among her critics, but that could be because Lahren in particular has the air for brains of a blow-up doll and could’ve made a living from low-level porn had she not chosen a career in professional evil.

You’d think a cultural event as significant as a rise in Karen culture would be mirrored at least through a few spoof videos as the art of porn imitates life. Frankly, it just feels like a missed opportunity for historical documentation.

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But Lahren’s “American Girl - Karen Doll™” looks aside, there is plenty of porn devoted to women who deviate from “conventional” beauty norms, making elder and larger women an in-demand hot item.

We’re not saying a woman’s “fapability” correlates to her overall worth — as Tomi demonstrates. What we are saying, though, is that the internet, which is horny for everything and everyone, does not have a boner for Karens. Not even a half-chub.

Not that porn preferences are any measure of taste (or we couldn’t explain the success of porn star Ron Jeremy), but there’s gotta be a lesson here somewhere. To put it simply: no one likes you, Karen. You’ve managed to turn off even the most twisted of porn viewers — a group that, we must reiterate, made a star out of Ron frickin’ Jeremy.

The darkest nooks of the web hold the stuff of nightmares. Even at its most inconsequentially weird, porn sites offer thousands of hours of content for pony play, tiny doll and Disney aficionados. Which means people would rather watch someone having sex with a lifeless figurine while pretending to be a horse in an animated movie than watch anything related to sex with a Karen.

The internet may want to fuck absolutely anything except for Karens, but to be fair, Karens may still hold the hope of inspiring IRL boners. Conservatives are looking just for this QAnon-grade type of woman through dating apps such as Righter Dating. Newly matched couples should never post any homemade porn on the internet, however, because no one — really, absolutely no one at all — wants to see it.
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Eva Raggio is the Dallas Observer's music and arts editor, a job she took after several years of writing about local culture and music for the paper. Eva supports the arts by rarely asking to be put on "the list" and always replies to emails, unless the word "pimp" makes up part of the artist's name.
Contact: Eva Raggio